Child-Focused Parenting Plans
Updated: Oct 17
The double edged sword of a parenting plan. Most of us, if not all of us, don't ever think that when we have children that one day we will need to create a parenting plan. Some things seem common sense to us but when it comes to split custody and having a document that creates very clear lines of "rules" or guidelines you can't think common sense because that is when you invite in the grey areas.
When we create a parenting plan we have to try to put our emotions to the side, try as hard as you can. It is one of the single hardest parts of split custody. Now, if you are one of the lucky few, who have an amicable and easy going coparenting relationship with your coparent then that might be easy peasy BUT you wouldn't be reading this if you had that good relationship now would you.
Regardless of the age of your children, if you have one or multiple, a parenting plan should be thought about and written with the same thoughts in mind. The ugly truth about parenting plans is that you need to treat your child (or children) like property when writing the document.
It is disgusting to think about but its real, you are looking at and thinking
how a child should spend their time
who should pay for them
how information is shared
whose names and contact information should be listed for them
who gets a tax break because of them
where they can live
how they communicate with people
Most parenting plans are written for the right now and not for the future. Which can be fine but you will have to work with your coparent each time the parenting plan needs adjusted for new circumstances or changes. If you can't easily work with your coparent and make agreements then you are creating a potential future battle for yourself and your children by writing it for the right now.
I suggest starting with categories, these categories will help organize the topics and items that need to be addressed.
Categories
Communication
Transportation
Education
Medical Providers
Essentials
Financials
Holidays
Decision Making
Visitation Time
Each of these categories will have specific pieces that is related to it that you will need to consider and make plans for.
[these are just some basic factors to consider, each situation and and will drive the need for more or less within each category]
Communication
How child/children should be able to communicate with the other house
[their own cell phone, parent phone, kids watch, etc]
How parent should be able to reach out to speak to child
How frequently parent should be able to reach out to speak to child
[scheduled calls vs one off and time to respond]
Timeframe that parents have to respond to other parent
Whose names are listed as points of contact
Who is primary point of contact
When information should be shared between parents and when
Transportation
Where exchanges take place
How a child gets to and from school and/or daycare
When additional parenting time occures who provides transportation
Education
What school district the child/children should be enrolled in
Who will enroll the child/children in school
Who has access to the child/children's school accounts
Who will pay for college / how will the expense be split
How will extracurricular participation be agreed upon
Medical Providers
Who will the child/children's primary care physican be
Who will the child/children's dentist be
Who will the child/children's eye doctor be
Who will schedule appointments
When/how will appointment details be shared between parents
Whose information will be listed are contacts within all offices
Essentials
Clothing
School supplies
Haircuts
Pharmacy used
Information notification
Whose address is listed as primary residence
Financials
Who will claim the child/children on taxes
Who will pay for clothing
Who will pay for school supplies
Who will pay for extracurriculars
Who will pay for school fees
Who will pay for insurance
Who will pay for a cell phone
Who will pay for car insurance
Who will pay medical bills
Will these costs be covered by 1 person or shared
When do reimbursements have to be paid by
How are bills shared
How is receipt of payment tracked
Holidays
What holidays are "celebrated"
How is holiday time divided
Who provides holiday transportation
Decision Making
Who gets to make decisions regarding medical care
Who gets to make decisions regarding schooling
Who gets to make decisions regarding extracurricular participation
What happens if you can't reach a mutual agreement
Visitation Time
Where will child live Monday-Friday
Where will child live Saturday-Sunday
What time are exchanges
Will you swap time if a parent is unavailable
How will time rotate between households
What time does visitation time start
Where will the child/children stay if a parent has to work during their visitation time
A parenting plan is a living and breathing plan within a document, there will be times and different life factors that will create the need to modify it as time goes on. You can try to plan for as much as possible and follow the plan.
My biggest piece of advice when creating a parenting plan is remembering that at the end of the day your child/children are just that, they are children. While this plan is written as if you are handling a shipment or physical property there is a real human being behind there that has feelings and emotions that are incredibly important and is so much bigger than your feelings towards the other parent or guardian.
Don't worry I will be back and we will talk about why we have to complete discovery, the importance of it, and how to complete it!
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