Preparing for Mediation
Before we talk about preparation for mediation, lets address what mediation is and why you are attending.
Mediation is an attempt to bring parties together, but separately, to try to mitigate the need to go to court and reach agreements together.
A mediator - a person who represents neither party - will go between the parties (with or without counsel) and facilitate conversations to try to reach resolution for both parties. They want to help reach agreements between the parties so that they don’t need to go to court.
Now — how do you prepare for mediation. This plan should not matter if you have a lawyer or do not have a lawyer.
[ in my personal belief, this case is your case, and you should be prepared to cover every topic without having a lawyer fighting your fight for you without your support and investment ]
Let’s break it down into simple deliverables for yourself.
What do you want
What are things you care about but aren’t show stoppers
Evidence that support your stance or request
Water
Tissues
[ 1. What do you want ]
If you are going through a divorce, with or without children, or going through a custody case there are specific things you are seeking or hoping to seek. These are the things that you want to spend some time thinking about, planning, discussing with yourself, and documenting.
I know the idea or thought that you can go into the room and you will be fine and know exactly what you want sounds reasonable but it really isn’t. Even if you feel level headed going into session or about session once you go into that room and start having full day discussions it does take a toll on your mind and body. You want to have a list to be able to reference back, but also to ensure the specific points have time allotted for them to be discussed.
Make the list
[2. What are things you care about but aren’t show stoppers]
This is a similar list to what you created for your wish list but they are things you want to discuss, if there is time, but you aren’t losing sleep if they aren’t addressed or covered in your divorce or custody. These can absolutely go on one single list, as long as they are identified.
NOTE: I know you are probably saying to yourself, or really to me, but Kaylee what should I be adding to these lists! Tell me what to think about. I can give suggestions but I can’t tell you what to discuss or go to bat for because this is your case and every case is different. There is not one size fits all for divorce and custody.
[3. Evidence that supports your stance or request]
This is a fine line of what to bring and how much to bring. If there is a specific topic that you believe is going to be a harder battle you want to bring supporting evidence to help the mediation understand what you are asking for and why you are standing so strong behind your position. While you are not fighting your case to the mediator these supporting documents can help be used to explain things to the mediator so that when they go and talk to the opposing party they have those physical documents and support to reference.
You should not and do not need to bring every piece of information and evidence as if you were going to court and fighting a full blown case but you should have enough to support your stance. There are many people who come in bringing nothing and it just becomes a word battle.
Bring the documents.
[4. Water | 5. Tissues ]
Some mediators will have tissues, drinks, and snacks, but I suggest to bring your own in case they don’t have them. Mediation will be long and tiring and having fluids is necessary. You want to ensure you are taking care of yourself during these sessions. Snacks are always nice because again it is going to be long and there is nothing worse than being in a room and hungry and not having a snack.
Tissues is always nice because it can be emotional, again, even if you think it wont be. If you don’t have a tissue and find yourself emotional do you really want to have to leave the room to go to the bathroom if they don’t have tissues to clean yourself up. No you don’t.
Your hope should be to go into mediation and leave with a mediated agreement.
Your hope should be able to go into mediation and find middle ground.
Your hope should be to go into mediation and leave not having to go to court.
Hoping for all of those things means that you have to do your part to be open to having conversations and hearing different sides of topics.
You may leave mediation without an agreement, you may leave mediation with still having to go to court, you may leave mediation more frustrated, but you are leaving mediation with more information than before you went in.
No matter the time you spent in mediation, you just spent that time hearing the position, feelings, and maybe seeing evidence or supporting material for the other side. These are all pieces of information that will help when and if you have to go to court.
Don’t worry I will be back and we will discuss some basic information that are good topics to discuss in mediation for different case types.
Divorce without children
Divorce with children
Initial custody
Custody modification
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